How Divorce Changed My Life
I've been wanting to write this post for a long time now. The timing never felt right until recently.
You hear the word "Divorce" and your mind immediately goes to the worst. (at least mine did a few years ago) However, I invite you to set aside any judgments, beliefs, or ideas you may have about the topic that might get in the way of what you will receive from this today.
In the last month I've witnessed two people on Facebook post about relationships. Both of these people are single. One asked for everyone's advice on "what it takes to create a successful marriage/relationship?" That post received 95 comments. I was blown away! From those comments, the top two skills that stood out amongst the rest were:
What would you add to that list? Do you agree with these skills?
The 2nd person shared a Facebook status that he continues to watch majority of his friends go through divorce. He asked, "Does anyone stay together anymore?"
As someone who's been married and divorced, I can say that my perspective has shifted. I'm here to share my story and how that experience changed my life.
3 years ago I was faced with a life challenge that completely flipped my world upside down. Nothing really prepares you for Divorce. It's not a fun or easy process and I don't wish that experience on anyone. My heart goes out to those who go through it and have kids involved.
One day you're floating through life and the next you're emotionally, mentally, and physically drained. So many emotions come up during this time. You're sifting through grief, anger, confusion, and fear. I had a lot of fear. I was so afraid of what this meant for my future and I how I would move forward on my own.
I relied on others to give me validation/acceptance instead of turning to my own self worth. I didn't even realize I had this habit until I went through my divorce. That experience helped me to take a hard look in the mirror. Why did I continue to struggle in relationships? What did I need to change to help me grow and move forward with my life?
At that point I began to see that I wanted to change and make better choices going forward. It was finally clear to me that I struggled with setting healthy boundaries with people, and I sacrificed my needs in order to please others and keep the peace.
While I continue to work on this area in my life, I'm grateful for the new awareness I've gained. I'm much more conscious of my emotions and thoughts. I'm able to live more in the moment.
Here are some ways that Divorce changed my life for the better:
Perspective - The only way to truly understand something is to walk through it and then stand back and look at it from a distance. While I always viewed Divorce as something "taboo" or negative in the past, I began to see it as a gift in the present. It was a gift and an opportunity for me to change for the better.
Empathy - The end of a marriage makes you more empathetic towards others who are experiencing any type of loss. As you move towards acceptance and forgiveness of your situation, you develop the ability to see more than one viewpoint. I began to develop more love and compassion for others, especially if I knew they were going through a difficult time.
Responsibility - It's so easy to point the finger at someone else, especially when you feel betrayed and you're hurting. However, it takes two to get married and it takes two to get divorced. The moment you take responsibility for your part in the equation, is the moment you gain your inner power and strength back. There is nothing more powerful than owning your choices and actions.
Wisdom - Boy do you gain wisdom! It was through my experience that I grew stronger in faith, and I was obsessed with seeking spiritual wisdom. Growing up under the Catholic religion, I was taught that divorce was a major sin. I didn't quite understand how a "loving" God would condemn me for such a tough experience. I needed God more than ever, and he never left my side. What he showed me was 'unconditional' love. Most of us base our love and acceptance of others on conditions. "I need you to act and be a certain way in order for me to love an accept you." While God says, "I just love you." No matter what you look like, feel like, and act like, God loves you completely.
Acceptance - I think the biggest lesson for me to learn was to accept and love myself despite the circumstances. It definitely didn't happen overnight, and it took a lot of work and self reflection. I had to accept that this experience was apart of my journey, and the only way to move forward was to accept, forgive, and let go.
Sometimes marriages and relationships just don't work out. While some situations may end in mutual agreement, other situations don't provide a choice. Whatever the case may be, I believe that these situations are our greatest teachers.
So if you've been through an experience like this one, or even something similar, I hope you come to see the beauty in it all. There is beauty for ashes my friends, and I believe it's all apart of a bigger plan. A plan that we haven't quite figured out yet. All I know is, forgiveness and love can do wonders for the soul.
I actually shot these photos a month ago when it was still 80 degrees in Texas. That's one thing about the south, there's a high chance you can still wear a dress in October.
Most of you know by now that I love gold jewelry! Here are the links: (plus similar links)
Dress (This dress was from Zaful, but I can't find the original link) Here are some similar options:
Thank you for stopping by today.